May—My Birth Month (Thoughts Into Words #2)

I used to be a difficult person. People would curious till death to open my mouth.
They would never know what happened to me because I looked okay when being blamed (even though that wasn't my fault). I never show them when I was suffered with the problem all alone. I never say what I want and always put others first.

I have no idea why I being like that.
But that was not the real me. The circumstance, that has shaped me.

May, is my birth month and I have passed twenty-two of them on the 19th day.


So, turning 22 this year, is probably enough to be grown-up to realize about a strong sense of my purpose which drove me more authentically assertive than ever.
By learning that, now what's inside my head is no longer a wonder to others anymore because I would tell them right away. I will also ask for what my heart wants the most, will warn something before went too far, will defend myself when needed. I did a complete 180 degree all of sudden.

No, I didn't change.
That's who I really am.

I found myself again.

To all of you, who knows me before then. Yes, I used to be the person who, rather than speak out bad, will judge hard on mind. That's why when it comes to a close friend, no one will ever know me. Everything will be hidden perfectly, until I ended up saying you all don't deserve to know me better, and because of me, you would look bad as a friend. It is hard to acknowledge, but I did!

Well, I realized I should've told them everything. It is just, I was scared that they might leave me if they found out who I truly am or literally when they see my true color. I had trying my best to tell people what I'm going through but seemed like nobody understand, and the hell yeah, they left.

So, I lived my own life without anybody, struggled with everything, until someone who went through the same thing bumped into me. When I met him, I found myself again.

He encouraged me so much more than anyone else ever did.
He has been very helpful to me. He listen to me genuinely and tell me not to hold things in.

That makes me learn that any problem is a problem.

Don't let anyone tell you that your problem aren't worth it. No matter how small you feel it was. You don't have to hold it in because others have been through more — Unknown

What he did to me, I did to others.
I want to be as helpful as he is. I listen to others genuinely and speak when words are needed.

I do well my turn. They now found out themselves.
I see their true color shining bright again.
I was happy to see that, so was he.

He told me to keep going with this because it would develop me a strong bonds with friends and family.
He was right, they now love me more than before.
I can feel it.

Do good for others.
It will come back in unexpected ways.

surprised from my not so lil sis

When my birthday came up, my heart fluttered by long paragraph they had typed down for me. Some thanked my existence that had motivated their life, some said they feel the gorgeousness in me which other not feel. All of that simply beautiful to make me feel worthy.

Anyway, I read that people who was born in May express themselves well, and love talking to people from all walks of life. They have an active social life, and don’t like to spend a lot of time alone. They get bored easily, and constantly look for new ways to entertain themselves. (I read that here) That's true.

I feel so blessed being May kid.
Now that I'm twenty-two.
I want to learn many other things to share with you all.
With new me, the best version one, I hope that I will always radiate good vibes.

Melissa Polii

June 11th, 2017

9:00 pm